Nowadays it’s total normal for our society to get the news from the internet, newspaper or from the newscast. But why is it so important to stay informed? That’s why I’d like to talk about few issues, which deal with the daily news.
First of all it’s very indispensable for everybody, to know what happens in his environment. I think everybody indulges a hobby and Medias are a possibility to get new and actual information about his passion. It’s a source for your own lifestyle. It offers you a chance to be up to date about fashion, music or stars. But that could also be a negative, if Medias control your life and manipulate your character. Mainly younger people are easier to affect with the Medias.
My second paragraph I dedicate to the position of news in our society. News and Medias attained a high position in our community. I think it’s an important source of income, because it has formed a basic stage for advertisements. It’s also necessary to get information to be up to date. Our society requires that you know and understand what goes on in the politic or in the national community.
Another example is, that everybody should be ready and prepared if there are any problems. The newspaper could give you any information you may desire for a state of emergency. In the past, the people couldn’t use these possibilities from today. They couldn’t be warned if there was a snowslide or a critical situation in another country. We could be very lucky that we have the chance to avoid a huge number of victims or to relieve the distress.
Last but not least I’d like to emblaze the aspect for the democracy. In my opinion the news play a huge role for the democracy and for our future. The TV, newspaper or the internet give us the information, which we need to change and form the future of our country. From where else do you get the relevant disclosures? The population could announce their opinion about the economic conditions or the elections. It’s the only way to broaden your horizon, because without these chances you would only know the local party and would only vote for them and can’t experience any other ideologies.
All things considered I think the newspaper have rightly an important factor in the society and community. They affect our life, positive and negative. But the most convincing issue is that they could save you from bigger harm, because they warn the population. There are so many ways to achieve this information. Lazy people could watch TV, people in rush have the chance to get clever with the internet and people who want to spend time the whole morning, can use the newspaper.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
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2 comments:
g: totally normal
g: get the news from ..., newspapers or from a newscast (??)
You don't express your opinion in the introduction!!! This can be the source of a lot of problems if you're not careful.
g: 'it' -> what? - "Stayin informed is indispensible for everyone as it is essential to know what happens in the world around you / your surroundings.
g: media (= plural)
str: indulges in a hobby
exp: actual <--> current
g: (everybody) ... about one's passion
exp: It's a source (of what???) ...
g: more easily affected
You change topic in this paragraph. You suddenly turn it into a pro / con type of paragraph, which is totally wrong for an opinion essay.
"My second paragraph I dedicate ..." --> Don't start paragraphs like this! And it's not even a proper introduction for the topic ("important to be informed").
g/t: The news and the media have attained a high position in society (not 'community').
"because it has formed a basic stage for advertisements" C????
exp: in politics
exp: "in the national community" ???
The argumentation is totally wrong in this paragraph. It's disorganized. The ideas are only loosely connected. You should try to use examples as well.
exp: "Another example is, that everybody should be ready and prepared if there are any problems." --> Paragraphs don't start like this. Examples are used to support an argument.
exp: "The newspaper could give you any information you may desire for a state of emergency." ???? (You say something funny here.)
C???: "In the past, the people couldn’t use these possibilities from today. "
Lawine: avalange
g: We are lucky that ...
exp: "that we have the chance to avoid a huge number of victims or to relieve the distress"
exp: "I’d like to emblaze the aspect for the democracy."
(to be continued)
g: the news plays ...
exp: "disclosure" ???
exp: "The population could announce their opinion about the economic conditions or the elections. " C???
exp: "and can’t experience any other ideologies." C???
This paragraph is very vague and partly incomprehensible due to expression mistakes. You should have concrete examples.
g: I think it is justified to claim that newspapers play an important role in ...
g: affect our life - positively and negatively ...
exp: the most convincing argument is ...
g: they can save you from ...
exp: "There are so many ways to achieve this information." C???
g: people in a rush
exp: "get clever with the internet" C?
exp: who want to spend some time with what? ....
You don't start the essay properly. You should introduce your opinion there already.
Afterwards each paragraph is written in such a way that is supports your opinion. You should write precisely and give concrete examples to make your point clear. You should not introduce anything that contradicts you (unless you immediately show that this idea is wrong).
At the end you restate your opinion (in other words).
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